After extensive investigative reporting by yours truly, Katherine Wilson admits that the truth may have been stretched a bit in this year’s Wilson Family Christmas letter.
Katherine wrote that daughter Irene “has definitely been using the entire palette of cosmetics.” This would only be true if “everything in black” could be considered an entire palette. And her “infectious spirit spreading through the high school” is really chlamydia. Also, her “very mature” boyfriend is 32.
Son Samuel has been “hitting the books hard”, though they are not school books. And they really are more like magazines. But he has indeed been hitting them hard. He is not captain of the school football team. It’s in fact just his Madden 2005 XBOX team. That he plays by himself.
Husband Bob has been “burning the midnight oil seven nights a week at his office in order to be a great provider”, but apparently so is his secretary, to whom he is providing it. And he works at the DMV, not NASA. Easy mistake, says Katherine.
And finally, Katherine herself does not take “a monthly trip to the wine country with dear friends.” She curls up in the bathroom with a bottle of pills and the vodka bottle that she hides in the toilet tank, where she throws up and cries until she passes out.
Katherine said she would print a retraction, but it’s so close to the holidays already that she’ll just square up next year.
Merry Christmas from the Wilsons!