Women everywhere worry about their looks. They agonize over hair color and hairstyle; they either look for ways to lose weight or look for products that make them look as if they have lost weight; they buy wrinkle creams and moisturizers, and if all else fails, they undergo Botox treatments and plastic surgery procedures.
However, while women have been busy improving their face and figures, they have forgotten to enhance another important body part: their vaginas. I know it sounds a bit over the top, and for the record, I am not talking hair removal or body piercings. I am talking Vajazzling.
Made famous by Ghost Whisperer actress Jennifer Love Hewitt, Vajazzling is Bedazzling for your nether regions; it is the art of decorating your private area with glitter and jewels. You can go to a spa for this treatment where it can cost $100 or more or you can get a do-it-yourself home Vajazzling kit for a lot less money. I am giving you the link so you don’t think I inhaled too much bathroom cleaner and am now hallucinating (http://vajayzzle.com/home.php?cat=250). If you choose to do the Vajazzling yourself, you can buy the kit which comes with Swarovski crystal tattoos, alcohols prep pads, body safe adhesive and adhesive remover. There are also instructions on how to make that area sparkle and shine.
This is my question: How did this happen? I know I sound prudish or just plain old, but when did decorating one’s vagina become important? I know it’s a cosmetic and fun thing to do; I am not averse to cosmetic fun. I don’t mind piercings and tasteful tattoos but what does a Vajazzled body part say? It could say, “Look, I am so much fun that I have my nether regions decorated”, but more likely it is screaming, “Here’s the landing lights, Boys, ready when you are.”
Also, I have to go back to the mothers of past generations whose only worries when we left the house is that we had on clean underwear in case there was an accident and we had to go to the emergency room. I can’t imagine what ER people think when a Vajazzled woman comes in. What if you need an x-ray or MRI? Does the Vajazzling get in the way? What about in airports? Does a Vajazzled person set off the scanners? I don’t care how “professional” TSA agents are during strip searches, Vajazzling has to make them take a second or third look.
I know there are many fans of Vajazzling. Hey, I get the idea that having sparklers in your panties might make your day go a bit better, but I think there are a lot of things to consider before putting glue and crystals on your sensitive skin. If I had to offer any advice on this new trend in cosmetic “improvements” it would be this: try out a Bedazzle first. If you can make a tasteful design on your denim jacket, you might be able to make a tasteful design on your nether regions – I’m not sure though because you tend to be standing upright when you Bedazzle, and I don’t think that is the case with Vajazzling. Anyway, I still think a little practice can go a long way.