I know. I did this before, here: What Would Heathcliff Buy? . Well, I’m bored again and my mind is wandering down strange roads. Here are the fruits of today’s mental meanderings.
Let us take a peek at yet another group of fictional characters and what might be on their shopping lists:
OUISER BOUDREAUX (from “Steel Magnolias,” in case you don’t know):
1. A supply of valium for her dog
2. A large bottle of Extra-Strength Excedrin to pass out to everyone she gives a headache to
3. A copy of “How to Be a Big Bitchy Rich Fish in a Tiny Pond” by R. Astor Amberson.
DON VITO CORLEONE:
1. Plastic surgery to correct prominent jowls
2. Private lessons in how to speak without slurring like Marlon Brando
3. For Fredo: lessons in how to handle a gun without fumbling
4. For Sonny: bulletproof car windows
HOLDEN CAULFIELD (“The Catcher in the Rye” — if you didn’t know this, shame on you):
1. A Fodor’s Guide to New York City
2. SAT for Dummies
HAMLET:
1. Several years’ worth of sessions with a really good psychiatrist
2. A lifetime supply of antidepressant medication
3. A good playwriting workshop
4. Fencing lessons
Hamlet could probably use a few gift certificates for tights too. All that fencing has to cause runs.
Hehe! A run in the wrong spot could be pretty embarrassing!
Keep these coming, Kathy. The mental image of Don Corleone slurring away at a salesman at an auto glass store is just what I needed today. 🙂
Don Corleone: You’re a nice man. Maybe I’ll do something for you.
Salesman: Does this mean you’re not going to pay for the glass?
Don Corleone: You do me a favor, I do you a favor. You give me the glass, I don’t send Luca Brasi over here. Capisce, paisano?
I seriously doubt Nic Cage has ever played Prince Hamlet but I do know that I would join several Bon Jovi fan clubs to see it, if he did!
I’d like to see that, too!