Where’s Jan Brewer

Jan Brewer © by Gage Skidmore

Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer (R) is missing. Supposedly, the right-wing governor has flown the coop and even missed a ballot certification event. While her mission is so secret that not even her closest friends know her whereabouts, there are some theories about where the governor has gone:

Mexico. It’s no secret that Brewer doesn’t like Mexicans crossing into her state, so she thought she would cross into their borders just to show them how inconvenient it is to chase after “illegals”. While there, she will take a job as a janitor, busboy and dishwasher, the same cushy jobs in the US that Mexicans steal from Americans.

Area 51. Someone told Governor Brewer that there was a secret stash of aliens in New Mexico, so she took off to see for herself. Unfortunately, it was the wrong type of aliens and the Governor might have unintentionally booked a one-way ticket to a distant planet. If she does return, there could be a myriad of changes in this hardened politician. She might not speak aloud anymore opting to do all communication via mental telepathy. A visit to a new world might make her re-think her stance on everything from gun control to same sex marriage. OR she might just come back with a space ship armed with lasers and start taking out anything that moves. Yea…it’s probably that last thing.

Mani-Pedi Spa/Militia Sleep Away Camp: It is no secret that Governor Brewer is a little disappointed over the election that put that man back in power. At Militia camp, Brewer is learning the survival skills she will need if Obama does accomplish what Pat Robertson’s crew said he would and destroys the world.  Also, it’s a fun-filled week of pampering, laser tag and bonding, so she’s probably having a good time getting massages and facials and blasting fellow campers who have thrown themselves into their warrior roles by wearing Hillary Clinton masks.


Epilogue: As it turns out, the Governor might be visiting Afghanistan. No confirmation on what side she is visiting, but that mani-pedi spa/militia Sleep Away Camp doesn’t seem too farfetched now, does it?


Share this Post:

2 thoughts on “Where’s Jan Brewer”

Comments are closed.