The “sequester” is barreling towards us and the battle lines are set – one side of Congress wants only big cuts in spending while the other wants to increase revenues. Among the severe cuts set to take place if nothing is done are reductions in FDA inspections of imported food. I’m fine with that because it’ll be fun to watch when people eat that tainted beef with the tiny worm that causes you to lose all your hair.
One source of revenue that crops up in debate, but is quickly shooed away, is tax evasion (or as it’s called in polite circles, “tax avoidance”, which is like saying “I didn’t have an affair, I just engaged in Marriage Vow Avoidance.”). If you don’t think tax avoidance can become deadly, just look at Greece – they’ve got doctors with yachts and multiple homes claiming incomes of $12,000 who are now wondering why no one can afford to see a doctor.
So how should we address the tax evasion problem? With audits and fines that barely work? With laws that accountants find a way around? Nope, we start dealing with tax cheaters the way we deal with another threatening group – sex offenders.
Those poor bastards face enormous restrictions on where they can live (not near parks, playgrounds, beaches, etc.). We should do the same thing with tax offenders. We simply mandate that an offender cannot live with 1,000 yards of anything built or maintained with public tax revenues. Forget about colleges and courthouses, this plan would include most streets, all traffic signals, sewer systems, and light posts.
“I’m sorry sir, it says here you’re a Tax Offender and the place you want to live is near a stop sign. But there is a dumpster available behind Wal-Mart that meets the criteria.”
State parks would be off-limits. National Forest lands would no longer be an option. The noose would tighten to the point where the tax offender would have to pitch a tent in a remote Kampground Of America or in the back yard of one of Mitt Romney’s many homes. But no one would want to face getting trampled to death by Ann Romney riding a horse, so KOA it is.
And if you’ve ever been burnt by a KOA shower, you’ll know just what an incentive to pay your taxes this plan represents.
But what’s best about this plan is that it’s not just punitive. We know that punishment on its own achieves nothing (think Drug War). My plan is also educational. The tax offender would quickly learn to appreciate all the things he or she values that are paid for through his taxes.
A total winner, that’s what this is. I really hope Obama sees this before his State Of The Union speech tonight.
Great post, Thomas! Throw some tainted beef on the grill and enjoy.
we need to elect you to something Tom!
I like your proposed tax offender law! I think this would preclude them living in Washington, DC as well.
Don’t mock the reductions in the FDA inspections of foreign food until you try it. I’ve got more than two beef/horse jokes out of Ireland’s equivalent this week already!
Can never go wrong with bad meat, Mad Cow was fatal but also a gold mine.