I’d like to report a chat I had today with Madam’s number two hairball pet—the cat. I’m referring to the Fluff Muffin Cat who tours around Minnesota like the dog, perched on the console of Madam’s Subaru Outback; the same cat that nonchalantly goes poo-poo in his kitty box while Madam attempts to keep the car on the road. Anyhoo, in the spirit of Thanksgiving and all manner of holidays, I asked the Fluff Muffin if he might like my help penning a note to Santa – or to whomever cats commune at holiday time. The Fluff Muffin gave me the cat look.
Much as I enjoy all creatures, great and small, my knowledge of kitty conversation is a bit lame. So, I asked about his health. He rolled his eyes. Next, I went for a couple of leading questions in an attempt to catch him off his guard.
What does a cat like for Christmas or Hanukkah—or birthdays?” I inquired.
“Nothing,” he chirped raising his eyebrows with a hint of distain.
Surely you must want something,” I countered. “Perhaps a new hair stylist or a game of kitty canasta? How about your own goldfish named Ned? Or, maybe an iPod, or a squirrel soufflé?” Silence.
Then he chirped, “I like my Costco box.”
“Does that mean you want a new box?” I asked.
“No, I like this one. And tell Santa or the UPS driver who oversees box deliveries not to launder my box either,” he instructed firmly. “Frankly, Madam could use that same message. Just when I get the hair and toys arranged in my box, she tosses the whole works into the washer. It’s a real pain to start all over, organizing fragrances and what not.”
I gave up on the Fluff Muffin interview and tried the same line of questions on Louise, one of our new barn cats. Much to my surprise, Louise also held court in a box. Hence, I opened the interview by asking how she liked her Costco box.
“I love it,” she replied with a long, leisurely stretch.
“And tell me, have you had a chance to post any holiday gift requests?” I continued.
“Why, yes,” she purred. “You’re looking at it.”
“You mean you requested this secondhand carton that once served as home to canned artichokes?” I asked, realizing we had a recurring theme going. “Help me understand why cats treat boxes as if they are upholstered in mackerel.”
She scowled. “Tell me why you idolize that messy room of yours with all those cribbage boards and peanuts and poker chips?” she shot back.
Hmm… she’s right. It’s my home sweet home, and I’m very thankful for it.
And a Happy Thanksgiving to you too!