Ah, The Holidays | HumorOutcasts

Ah, The Holidays

November 12, 2013


It’s almost Christmas, again. Ah yes, the season of cheer and office parties you can barely remember due to intoxication levels worthy of a pink-slip. But Christmas these days really means only one thing:

Yup, another book from Sarah Palin about how Christmas is under attack. In a recent speech in Iowa, Palin talked about the “politically correct police out there that are acting to erode our freedom to celebrate and exercise our faith.”

You might have seen these policemen out there, cracking a whip and repressing away with a vengeance. They hand out exemptions to the individual mandate in the Affordable Care Act if you’re part of a healthcare sharing ministry. They’re the ones who kick in the door at a religious employer and shout “You don’t have to cover contraceptive services for employees like everyone else does!” They interrupt Christmas mass by shouting “We’re not gonna make you pay property tax, how ‘bout them apples!”

Yes, the PC police are everywhere, and they’re vicious.

Palin will be officially launching her book in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. And no one is gonna tell her how to do it, not a chance. Like the British ignoring Paul Revere’s warning, Palin is listening to no one on how the rollout will proceed. According to various reports, she plans to sign copies of her book from beneath a cresh made out of steel. And the Three Wise Men will be replaced by Three Stooges impersonators wearing Tap-Out t-shirts and riding little BMX bikes.

It’s gonna be a busy holiday season for Sarah. Once this book tour is done, she’ll be off to promote a follow-up book titled The Perpetual Victim’s Guide To Ringing In The New Year.

So remember, if someone tries to disparage your faith by saying “Happy Holidays”, be sure to grab them by the collar and shout “Stop eroding my ability to celebrate my faith, motherfucker!!”

In my experience, the attacks usually stop once you do that. So do the invites to Christmas parties. But the office parties are a totally different matter.

Thomas Sullivan

Thomas Sullivan is the author of So Much Time, So Little Change (a book of essays published by Wayman Publishing). It is available at Amazon in print and Kindle. Thomas lives in Seattle.

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5 Responses to Ah, The Holidays

  1. Forrest
    November 13, 2013 at 12:44 pm

    As a member of the vicious politically correct police strike team, I can confirm that we refudiate Christians every chance we get.

  2. Bill Y Ledden
    November 12, 2013 at 12:49 pm

    She looks like that woman who used to be on SNL.

  3. November 12, 2013 at 12:41 pm

    She does know Bethlehem, PA is not THE Bethlehem right? Probably not.

    • Kathy Minicozzi
      November 12, 2013 at 3:13 pm

      And the original stable was not made of Bethlehem steel.

    • November 12, 2013 at 3:21 pm

      Probably not, but the rollout is this week (I think). You should go and report back to us Donna!

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