And One Shade Of Ouch | HumorOutcasts

And One Shade Of Ouch

August 9, 2013


Yes writers, it’s important to remember that your books do touch lives. You should take pride in that. Just think of all the people who said “I think I’ll skip working in that meat-packing plant” after they read Upton Sinclair’s The Jungle. I personally started avoiding greasy soups after reading a ten-paragraph description of the stuff in Billy Bud.

But it’s not just the classics that touch lives. According to, firefighters are seeing something in London that they attribute to the wild popularity of the Fifty Shades Of Grey series. The firefighters are reporting that there’s been a surge in calls for handcuff-related emergencies.

In its article, reported this:

“Since 2010, London firefighters have treated almost 500 people with rings stuck on their fingers, nine with rings stuck on their penises, and one man with his penis stuck in a toaster.”

I haven’t read the books, so I don’t know if a toaster was involved in any of the scenes. If so, that’s one shade of grey I really don’t want to see. But, if something I wrote convinced a guy to squeeze his thing into a toaster? Oh man, that would be the greatest compliment ever.

Thomas Sullivan

Thomas Sullivan is the author of So Much Time, So Little Change (a book of essays published by Wayman Publishing). It is available at Amazon in print and Kindle. Thomas lives in Seattle.

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5 Responses to And One Shade Of Ouch

  1. August 9, 2013 at 11:37 pm

    Cracked me up! With my luck I would really want a piece of toast when the dude’s junk was stuck in the toaster.

  2. Bill Y Ledden
    August 9, 2013 at 3:02 pm

    I once wrote a note that excused myself from class. I’ve yet to write anything that’s so deep and meaningful but hey, we all gotta peak sometime!

  3. Kathy Minicozzi
    August 9, 2013 at 2:42 pm

    The worst thing, probably, is trying to figure out how to explain to the firemen how you got yourself into whatever predicament you got yourself into in the first place, without providing them with years worth of unbridled hilarity.

    • August 9, 2013 at 5:46 pm

      Bets there’s a bunch claiming the kids slapped the cuff on while they’re asleep.

  4. August 9, 2013 at 1:24 pm

    I totally believe this one! At least if they are going to do stupid stuff they should do it to a good book! Very funny

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