Bananacide | HumorOutcasts


June 26, 2013



Something horrible happened at the office where my wife works yesterday. A bananacide. She and a co-worker stumbled upon a banana that had been brutally murdered.

The police arrested an apple that was seen arguing with the banana earlier that morning. It was brought in for questioning and is still in custody. The apple has a record but no convictions.

A witness who wishes to remain anonymous (though it’s suspected to be the box of imitation Froot Loops), told authorities that in the heat of the argument the banana told the apple it was “rotten to the core.” The apple community considers this phrase a racial slur. The apple became enraged and that is when it allegedly attacked and killed the banana.

The other apples feel the suspect was unjustly accused. They have been rioting in the kitchen to protest. Some of the apples aren’t concerned with justice and are simply using this incident as an opportunity to loot. They’ve been stealing microwaves, toaster ovens and condiments.

All of this carnage over an apple that has a reputation for causing trouble in the fruit basket. Which proves the old adage is true. One bad apple does indeed spoil the bunch.





Mario Turchiarolo

Mario Turchiarolo is a film/TV/and comic book writer. He’s also a foodie who loves to cook and eat. Check out his food blog The Bite at

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15 Responses to Bananacide

  1. Kathy Minicozzi
    June 29, 2013 at 3:15 pm

    The apple probably thought it was performing an act of mercy. By the look of that banana, it was dying, anyway.

    Oh, and this is brilliant.

  2. June 29, 2013 at 10:09 am

    Where do you come up with this stuff? It’s great!

    • July 1, 2013 at 4:30 am

      Thanks, June! Though I have to give some credit to my wife and her co-worked. They found the rotten banana and decided to turn it into a crime scene. Once she sent me the picture, I knew I had to find someway to write about it!

  3. Bill Y Ledden
    June 27, 2013 at 1:43 pm

    This doesn’t surprise me one little bit. Apple make overpriced products and think they can get away with murder.

    • June 27, 2013 at 6:45 pm

      You gotta watch out for all kinds of apples, Bill.

  4. Deb Martin-Webster
    June 27, 2013 at 12:00 pm

    I believe that the apple is the core witness.

  5. June 27, 2013 at 10:08 am

    The apple should argue for an a-peel in court!

  6. June 26, 2013 at 8:02 pm

    Another reason for me to avoid apples. Grisly.

  7. June 26, 2013 at 7:54 pm

    Did the banana accuse the apple of having a red or yellow skin? justifiable homocide.

    • June 26, 2013 at 11:34 pm

      I’m not sure. The apple has lawyered up and isn’t talking.

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