Car Shopping, Pushy Salesmen and Creative Financing Can Be Fun | HumorOutcasts

Car Shopping, Pushy Salesmen and Creative Financing Can Be Fun

January 23, 2013
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On a whim the other day, I decided to go car shopping. Not that I was in the market for a car, but I received one of those flyers in the mail advertising a big sale at a local dealership. You know the kind where they attach a key and tell you if that key opens the locked door on a new car, it’s yours to drive off the lot.

Now don’t get me wrong. I didn’t just arrive on the back of a green bean truck, and I know the likelihood of winning the car or even the diamond ring were slim to none, but since all my numbers matched and it wasn’t that far to the location, I figured what the heck, I wasn’t even discouraged that my flyer was addressed to resident. Everyone knows I’m the eternal optimist.

now this might surprise some of you, but I sometimes get in these moods where I enjoy getting under people’s skin. So dealing with a bunch of pushy salesmen seemed like it might be fun. Hey, at this age, you take your fun where you can find it.

Anyway, I arrived at the dealership and was promptly greeted by a well-dressed man who introduced himself. I can’t say for sure, but I think he must have had a few extra teeth because he had a smile as big as a grapefruit. I told him I came to try my key and I definitely was not in the market for a car, but he didn’t seem the least bit rattled by that. Instead, he proceeded to tell me this was a fantastic sale as he opened the door of a car for me to examine.

“Did I mention that I don’t have a real job?” I asked.

“Not a problem,” he said. Well, maybe not for you, I thought.

Being in my mood, I asked, “Don’t you think it might be a problem to a finance company?”

“Oh, we have all kinds of ways to work out problems like yours. Just look at this interior and feel the leather.”

Feel the leather? I didn’t know what kind of problems he was talking about, but buying a pricey item like a car with no income struck me otherwise. “Did I mention that I just came to see if I won a car?”

“Oh, yeah, we’ll get to that later. Wait here for a minute. I see my manager, Sam. I’d like him to meet you. Hey, Sam, I want you to meet Ms. Byrd.”

Sam apparently was as hard-of-hearing as the other guy because when I mentioned the same thing to him about no real job, he proceeded to explain all kinds of creative financing. So still being in my mood, I laughingly asked, “Exactly how much does this car cost?”

“Ms. Byrd, because of this great sale today, we can put you in this car for $225 a month.”

“I didn’t ask that. I asked how much the car cost. Let’s say I was going to write you a check, how much would I write down?”

“It’s a great deal,” Sam continued, as I sat pondering whether I should try using the remaining sign language I learned years ago. “Just think, $225 a month and you can drive away in this baby.” Just then another hungry-looking salesman came out of the building, and you know it, they waved him over.

“Look, before this gets out of hand here, I’m not buying a car. I told you all I wasn’t buying a car. I just came to see if I won a car. Now, if I win a car, I will take that one,” I said waiving my paper around with the attached key. By now my mood was getting a bit more on the irritable side than before, so I said, “Before you bring out your families to meet me, just give me my prize, or I’m going to unleash on you a force more frightening than you can imagine.” I pulled out my cell phone and with a glare at the three men, I said, “With one push of a button, I can have my Aunt Lottie out here in ten minutes to get my prize.”

You would have thought I could unleash the black plague on them because one tried the key, one grabbed my card, and the other brought me a two-dollar bill, which turned out to be my reward for my efforts. I’ll admit I was a little stunned until Salesman Sam turned to me and said, “Please don’t send that woman out here again. She was out here this morning, and we had three salesmen quit on the spot.”

I pocketed my two-dollar bill, got in my car and laughed as I drove home. It pays to live in a small town.

Pattie Byrd

Pattie Byrd is a freelance writer specializing in humor commentary, although she also writes reviews, stories and news articles. She has been published in "Mississippi", "Southern Destinations" and other assorted magazines. Currently, she publishes on several internet sites including Yahoo, RedGage and Wikinut.

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4 Responses to Car Shopping, Pushy Salesmen and Creative Financing Can Be Fun

  1. Kathy Minicozzi
    January 24, 2013 at 10:05 pm

    The world needs more Aunt Lotties.

    Great post!

  2. lbwoodgate
    January 24, 2013 at 8:11 am

    I know someone whose name is being stricken from a certain mailing list.

  3. January 23, 2013 at 11:37 pm

    Aunt Lottie still commands a lot of respect! Good to read your articles again!

  4. January 23, 2013 at 9:07 pm

    A special breed with their own language and audio interpretation of other’s words. Fun post.



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