It was time to tackle the ennui that hung over my home sweet home.
Not that I don’t adore baking and holiday festivities, but this week I noticed a lack of zest among my normally jolly mates.
The uncommon dullness settled in with winter’s sudden and early arrival. Yes, I know we live in icebox country where weather tests a fellow’s grit. But, this year the frigid blast kicked off a month early. We hardly finished our Thanksgiving tiramisu when a stiff wind delivered rain, snow, sleet and 10 below zero– all at once. It brought all measure of outdoor frolicking to a halt.
Even my shoe guy George showed up a month early to fit me with a set of REI hiking crampons. Now, at least I can navigate the driveway without taking a header on the ice. Soon the couch potato cribbage club started bellyaching about climate change, while Spruce and members of Fortuna’s High Five Senior Living Squad took up match racing in the pasture. Frankly, these geezers should be signing up for hot yoga, not drag racing on frozen tundra.
Anyhoo, when Madam suggested that we hook up the Comfy Sundowner and head downtown to the Hollidazzle Parade, I jumped at her offer. That’s when I learned a thing or two about winter driving in icebox country.
The first demo took place at the end of our driveway where a UPS truck was gliding backward down a slick incline toward a new Lexus LS. The Lexus driver – a woman in a lovely fur coat – was standing in the road shouting unsolicited opinions about the UPS guy’s driving skills. Madam wisely crept past the twosome leaving them to their own devices.
Once we reached Interstate 94, I figured we were safe. Well, I figured wrong. From the slow lane we observed a stunning variety of auto acrobatics. The first car to pass us managed to execute a 360-degree spin just as he reached the front door of Madam’s Dodge Ram. The elderly driver was still chatting with his passengers when he completed the spin directly in front of us. His Crown Victoria promptly took a nosedive into the ditch where it came to rest, with the driver still delivering his speech. Then there was the eight SUV piled up on the Fort Snelling Bridge. This group had passed us one by one at top speed. Now each vehicle faced a different direction while their owners danced around in Italian shoes and smart looking topcoats arguing about who caused the fender bending mess.
Then, much to our amazement, a 1975 Pinto with bald tires, a coat hanger antenna and a full load of young people swept past without incident. And so it continued until we returned home safely later that evening. All I can say is our winter driving caper certainly sparked up a dull day.
The Pinto is the best snow/ice car ever!
My blahs were cured with the thought of a Thanksgiving tiramisu. That’s impressive. The rest was just icing…
You are absolutely right. It’s frightening to see who and what’s coming at you.
Do horses have snow boots? Just curious if his shoes get wet and cold! Great post Noah and Mary!
Actually horses do have winter shoes. The farrier melts something call borium and drops it on the bottom of the shoes. It helps prevent slipping on ice. Noah rather liked the idea of REI crampons!
Surviving winter driving is all about surviving the other driver … except for those people who *are* the other driver.