I’m afraid I don’t have any of the usual nonsense today for today is not a fun or funny day. In a moment, I have to go and get a 5lb rib roast in a plain brown bag but allow me to take you through a sequence of events. A short time ago, I walked into the house and nobody was in. This in itself is highly unusual as there’s usually somebody in. I called Jill Y’s mobile but there was no answer. I called Sugartastic Daddy John, Scurvy Jane and Thirsty Dave and they didn’t answer either. I got the distinct impression that nobody was answering their phone and alarm bells started sounding. I turned the alarm bells off and that’s when I came across the note from the dog and now I have to head to the shops:
Still, better to be dognapped than catnapped. Those cats can be vicious.
That is massively true. The last four times I was catnapped I ended up playing with balls of wool for weeks. Nobody understands the stigma a supposed grown man goes through, buying dozens of balls of wool. There’s nothing funny about it at all, at all. Oh the nightmare memories, where’s the bar?
The bar? Over there. By the cats.
Just how big is that dog?
He’s about the size of 72 cats, give a cat or two!
Well, dogs addicted to meat will do desperate things to get their fix. I hope the dog is true to his word and returns the humans for the rib roast!
I don’t think you’re treating this seriously at all, at all, Don Don’s!