I’m sitting at the bar in a Philadelphia Airport lounge. It’s the day after Christmas and I’m waiting for a flight back home. The TV hanging from the wall is showing a kickboxing match. The irony of being in the City Of Brotherly Love and watching two men in diapers punch and kick each other is not lost on me. The only other people in the lounge are a quasi-drunk couple trying to handle an unruly small child.
Christmas In Connecticut this is not.
The bartender grabs a remote, points it at the TV, and changes the channel. A man and woman appear onscreen, sitting behind a large desk. The background is a bright tapestry of neon reds and blues. The woman looks like she just took third place in a Miss Arkansas contest. Her eyebrows race up while she claims to be “Shocked! Simply shocked!” about something someone has said regarding the war effort. The shiny-looking guy at her side, whose hair looks like it was created using claymation, nods solemnly.
I laugh out loud.
The bartender spins and stares at me.
“What’s so funny?” she barks.
I look back, my brow furrowed in confusion. Then I point to the screen.
“This is a comedy, right?” I’m perplexed and have no idea what we’re watching. It’s new to me. And it’s hilarious.
The bartender stares at me like I’m the dumbest person on Earth.
“This is the news,” she says, shaking her head.
“What?” I reply, “Which news?”
I don’t have cable, but I know this isn’t CNN or MSNBC. The bartender gives me that look of disdain once again. It’s just like the one my little friend two tables back is getting from his parents.
“It’s Fox News.”
The bartender turns and looks back up at the TV. I watch the “news” for a bit longer. The hosts rant and rave about threats to America from a nation whose most advanced weapon is probably a camel-mounted slingshot.
Being a “reporter” on this show must be like high-fiving in the dark – you try, but miss 99% of the time.
I pay up and stroll off toward my gate, thinking that the show can’t last very long. It’s just too absurd.
I have no idea how wrong I am.
You were in my hometown airport. Should’ve had a cheesesteak instead of subjecting yourself to Fox “News”.
You need a stiff drink if you have to watch that channel!
God, waiting in an airport AND having to watch FOX Noise. My heart goes out to you man.
I am sorry to say that I don’t think the first sighting here was the scariest. It was the subsequent sightings that scared the bejesus out of all of us. I don’t understand the logic of airing Fox News in any airport. Sort of like showing the disaster AIRPORT flicks. They do nothing for passenger comfort.
You just know that that show is going to last hundreds of years. Not the particular one you were watching but you know what I mean!