Gettin’ The Job Done

San Diego Mayor Bob Filner is facing a chorus of calls for his resignation following a series of sexual harassment episodes. His plan is to take a two-week leave of absence to undergo intensive therapy and then return to work. If Anthony Weiner’s experience is any indication, I’m sure this plan will work out just fine.

The NY Times succinctly summarized the challenge for residents: “Despite the growing public opposition, there is little that constituents can do to compel Mr Filner to leave office.”

True. But there is a lot that the IT department at the city can do to make this happen. Picture a first week back on the job that goes something like this:

Monday:

The Mayor calls a tech over to check out a problem with his email. The tech shakes his head and says “I have no idea why your digital signature keeps coming up as Mayor Bob On This.”

Tuesday:

Mayor Bob rolls up to the gate at the underground parking garage after a grueling day of selflessly serving the public. He waves his badge across the scanner. The gate doesn’t budge.

Wednesday:

Mayor Bob logs onto his computer and grimaces. He calls the IT department. The tech on the phone says “We don’t know why your homepage keeps landing on a story about you grabbing some woman’s butt. Maybe you’ve got a virus.”

Thursday:

The mayor picks up the phone to call a councilman about a zoning issue. A woman answers the phone and says “Thanks for calling Hot Dirty Sluts, credit card number please.”

Friday:

Mayor Bob walks into the City Hall Building. He swipes his ID badge over the security scanner. The machine honks and a red light flashes. The security guard asks the Mayor to try again. He makes three more failed attempts and then shouts “Screw this, I quit!”

Saturday:

Everyone starts living happily ever after.