Ghost Shark: My New Halloween Movie

First, let me say that it is rare I do any kind of TV show or movie review with the exception of the complete criminal program lineup on the ID channel, which has validated my hypothesis that 70 percent of the world’s population consists of psychopathic killers,and so I feel it is my duty to humanity to warn people of this fact and comment on their shows.  However, the movie on SyFy that caught my attention and inspired me to write this review is one that I am sure is  on its way to becoming a cult classic:  Ghost Shark.

I am unsure if this film is based on a true story like so many other paranormal cinema adventures that have people swearing up and down on morning talk shows that the demons invaded their homes, but I tend to think it is totally a fictional plot created by what I am guessing is a writing team that was either still in high school or a group of really drunk beach goers. Either way, I am shocked that not only some producer picked up the script but that some production company funded it.   I think the plot of this film is as follows and please remember I watched this in a NyQuil fog, so my facts might be a tad off ( I can only hope so):

A great white devours the catch of a fisherman, and the fisherman and his daughter are pissed so they get revenge by torturing and killing the shark. The great white’s corpse sits inside the bottom of an underwater cave which has magical powers and resurrects the shark (not like Jesus) and gives it the power to attack humans—not only those who frolic in the water but humans who should frolic on land as well. In fact, as long as there is a spoonful of water in the vicinity, Ghost Shark can appear and gobble up anyone in its path which scares the crap out of this dimwitted coastal community.

So, can you guess what happens? I will give you one example: A kid at a fire hydrant is eaten alive and his half-severed body lies on the sidewalk flopping around like a dead fish. How does one even explain this death to the next of kin?  Anyway, anyone near a puddle or a toilet bowl are potential victims for this ferocious fish. Ghost Shark becomes unstoppable and of course, the police don’t care, so it’s left up to three teenagers and lighthouse keeper to kill the already dead shark.

Call me cynical, but this film didn’t quite pack the punch of Jaws. I will admit that I might look around the next time I decide to go on a water slide, lounge in my sister’s pool or jump in a puddle after a spring rain. If there is any sign of a spectral ghost shark, I am out of the water and headed to Nevada.  Yep, I would rather be eaten by the aliens of Area 51 than face the fury of a ticked off shark.

I am not sure if Ghost Shark will resonate with all SyFy viewers, but I am confident that the film will find a cult audience that will laud it as one of the greatest shark films of all time. I  am equally confident that somewhere in the depths of the deep blue sea, a group of great white sharks are sitting around, laughing and saying, “Puddles? We can swim in puddles? Yea, humans really won’t survive the next round of evolution.”