Hard Knocks

What’s your biggest nightmare? No, it’s not coming out of your anger management class to find that someone’s stolen your car. That’s not even close. Nightmare numero uno is being on trial for murder and having your attorney deliver a knock-knock joke during opening statements.

This happened to George Zimmerman during the start of his trial. His lawyer, who bears a spooky resemblance to the teacher who turns to cooking meth on Breaking Bad, opened with this:

“Knock knock.”

“Who’s there?”

“George Zimmerman.”

“George Zimmerman, who?”

“Alright good. You’re on the jury.”

The jury just stared back in silence. They were either stunned at the use of a joke in a courtroom, or baffled by the fact that the joke wasn’t funny. Who knows?

I could see something like this happening to me. I’d be sitting on a pew while a badly dressed lawyer with a toupee walks up to the jury. He’d flash a four-toothed smile at the jurors and then say:

“Knock knock?”

“Who’s There?”


“Thomas who?”

“Thomas fucked. He’s got me for an attorney.”

At least the joke would meet the requirement of being funny. I’d flash a thumbs-up for that. And then I’d start pleading with the judge.

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7 thoughts on “Hard Knocks”

  1. At least it’s not Mister T, i.e. “Knock, knock, who’s there, Boo and Mister T’s response . . . “WHO BE BOO!!, I pity the fool who plays knock, knock with me!” Funny one Thomas!!

  2. If my attorney isn’t funny at my murder trial, I’ll write his jokes for him. At least that way, they’re guaranteed not to be funny!

    1. First of all, you would have to murder someone, or at least have people think you murdered someone, in order to go on trial in the first place. You don’t plan to murder anyone, right?

      Second, any jokes you write for your attorney are bound to be hilarious, so if he/she is an idiot and you’re trying to use that to get the court to give you a new lawyer, it won’t work.


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