I Did NOT Wear a Nightgown in the Lobby While Putting Out the Garbage and Insulting Old Ladies!

Woman in Cotton DressIt’s Saturday morning, my only lazy morning of the week. I’ll get dressed later. Right now all I want to do is sit and watch Mythbusters on cable.

You’d better put the garbage out before things start to grow on it.

Huh? What?

I’m your conscience, your logical mind, your brain, your obsessive personality, whatever you want to call me. You have garbage to take out. So take it out.

Taking out the garbage is a man’s job. I’m a woman.

Do you see anyone else here? You’re it by default. It isn’t hard to do. Do it now and get it over with before I explode or something. You’re making me crazy.

I’m in my nightgown.

That isn’t a nightgown. It’s a house dress. You think of it as a nightgown because you sleep in it. Put a brassiere on under it and everyone will think it’s a dress.

Yeah, I could do that. Where did I put my Genie Bra? Oh yeah, on the back of the chair, right where I left it.

Okay. It’s on. I guess I’m dressed now, sort of. I’ll just run a brush through my hair.

Sheeze, I look awful. I hope nobody sees me out there. I’ll just tie this scarf around my head. There.

Okay. You’re presentable enough for the lobby. So go, already.

Yeah, yeah! Go in the kitchen. Okay. Grab the garbage. Tie the handles together. Oof! This stuff weighs a ton. It’s the kitty litter. That stuff is like bricks. Now, don’t forget the keys. Okay. Got the keys. Keys are now in my pocket. Open the door. Step out.

Gah! I’m in the lobby, in my nightgown!

It’s not a nightgown! It’s a dress! The brassiere makes it a dress! Stop obsessing over it! You’re the only one who cares!

Okay, okay! I’m going over to the incinerator chute right now. There. Garbage is gone.

Oh no! Here come those two old biddies from Apartment 4B. They always have something unpleasant to say. Yikes! They’re looking at me.

OLD WOMAN (to other old woman): She could at least iron that dress!

ME (talking): You could at least iron your face!

Ouch! That was nasty – good, but nasty.

They didn’t hear me. They’re both deaf as rocks.

At least she didn’t notice you’re wearing a nightgown.

It’s not a nightgown.

Yes it is. I lied.

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10 thoughts on “I Did NOT Wear a Nightgown in the Lobby While Putting Out the Garbage and Insulting Old Ladies!”

  1. It’s good to know that other people hear voices in their head too. Now, Bill Y is off to find out what a Genie Bra is.

    1. Hehe! The Genie Bra is being advertised all over the television networks right now here in the USA. It’s one of those things where they claim to offer it at a ridiculously low price, and you can get two whole packages of them (6 bras in all) just by paying extra shipping and handling. You don’t have to guess who fell for it.

      I have to say that they are very, very comfortable.

    1. The great thing about summer housedresses is that they can double as nightgowns. Of course, if everyone does that the garment is soon pegged as a nightie, not a dress.

  2. Very funny, Kathy. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to run to the hardware store dressed in short pants and black nylon socks stretched over the calf.

    1. Of course, you will want to complete the ensemble with a pair of sandals over those socks.

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