I don’t like cantaloupe. Does anyone?
If you are one of the few who actually like cantaloupe, you obviously have horrible taste. Come to think of it, your bad taste is demonstrated by the fact you read what I write.
Thanks for that, by the way.
Don’t get me wrong, I like fruit. One of my favorite snacks is chocolate-covered strawberries, assuming a chef sneaks into my house in the middle of the night and makes them for me.
And what about bananas covered in Nutella? Yes please.
As you may have guessed from my love of chocolate, I’m no fan of salad. If I wanted to eat weeds I would go to Amsterdam and at least have a good time with it.
However, I will eat fruit salad, assuming it’s covered in sugar and served with a side of potato salad and hot dogs. I’m an American, after all.
I know what you’re thinking…”Come on Newlin. Get to the point of this post.”
Okay, I’m getting there. Calm down. Couldn’t you read the title of this post? I’m the cantaloupe of the fruit salad.
Well, maybe I’m not so much the cantaloupe of the fruit salad, as my life is the cantaloupe. It’s a melon of sorts. Or maybe I’m a melon. I don’t know. My body looks like a melon. Maybe I should have thought this post through further before I started typing.
Normally, when I’m somewhere that is serving fruit salad, I’m at the end of the food line. This is mostly because I’m first in the alcohol line. I have priorities.
By the time I get to the fruit salad, the only thing left is cantaloupe, melon, and a frown on my face.
But isn’t that really a metaphor for my life? I can’t walk without falling, I can’t eat without spilling, and I can’t talk without making an ass of myself.
But you know what? Even though I’m the cantaloupe of the fruit salad, I’m okay with that. A lot of people like cantaloupe. I may not be everyone’s flavor, but those people are missing out. I can’t make them like cantaloupe, just like I can’t make myself like Kim Kardashian.
And cantaloupe isn’t too bad when it’s submerged in vodka. Who knows? Maybe Kim Kardashian would be better that way too.