When a sweater-wearing, former-coach turned football commentator strums a tribute song on his guitar, that’s called getting Neuheiseled.
I know that sounds painful but believe me, it’s not nearly as bad as getting the Old Heisel. Thank you. I’ll be here all week. Try the Buffalo wings.
This week Johnny Manziel got Neuheiseled by Rick Neuheisel, former Colorado, Washington and UCLA coach. Rick revamped Marty Robins old song “El Paso” and gave it some clever lyrics. A sampling:
Out in the badlands they call College Station
Lived a young Aggie called Johnny Manziel.
Football and life to him were a bull ride,
He rode them both like a bat out of hell.
Here, you can listen: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4SnEX1Bl-Qo
Wouldn’t it be cool if all coaches did that? Can you imagine Mike Gundy doing his special version of “I’m a Man” but changing it a little to “I’m a Man… Who’d Like to Put My Boot Up Thayer Evan’s Butt.”
See, wouldn’t that be fun? Rick Neuheisel does this all the time. He even makes up and sings song for coaches, fired coaches. Now there’s a friend for you. You get fired, you get a song. Here’s a sampling from early December 2011:
NEUHEISEL SINGS FOR FIRED COACHES
Rick Neuheisel fired. Turner Gill gets the hook. Dennis Erickson cooked. Ron Zook zacked.
All these guys pink-slipped on November 28th, or as football coaches like to call it, black Monday. However, to ease their pain, along with gobs of severance money, we’ve convinced sweater-wearing, guitar-picking Rick Neuheisel to create and sing songs for the fired coaches.
Rick knows and empathizes with this gang. Both Gill and Erickson were also quarterbacks and either played or coached against Rick. However, Rick was the only one of the group to be coaching as his alma-mater and also the only one in the group to lead his team to a conference championship game. So you’d think Rick would be bitter, not willing to honor his fellow coaches with retirement songs. That’s where you’re wrong, kiddies. Rick is pleased to fire out these ditties.
So sit back, put a log on the fire. Wear your cardigan and let Rick entertain you.
For his Dennis Erickson tribute, Rick borrows from Roky Erickson and the 13th Floor Elevators with “You’re Gonna Miss Me When I’m Gone.” Very fitting for a two time national champion coach:
“You’re gonna wake up one morning as the sun greets the dawn.
That we ran the spread offense… Gaining yards on your lawn.
You’re gonna look around in your mind, guys, and you gonna find Ol’ Denny is gone.
You didn’t realize. You didn’t realize. You didn’t realize
You gonna miss him, baby. You gonna miss him… when he’s gone.”
For his Turner Gill tribute, Rick borrows from Ike Turner and Fats Domino with “I Lost My Will…”:
“I lost my will… For Ol’ Turner Gill
Ol’ Turner Gill… when they fired youuu
From Rock-Chalk Hill…
The moon stood still… for Ol’ Turner Gill
Promises Jayhawks made… were not… true”
To honor Ron Zook, Rick channels his Creole side with Caribbean zouk melodies with a tinge of Dusty Springfield. (What else?)
“They ask the Zook if we want soft music
So I say… the Zook of love is in your eyes
But no more on the field… we can’t disguise
You’ve got the Zook of love, is in your face
Ronnie Zook, a man… a man, time cannot erase
Good bye, Coach Zook. They can’t replace.”
Thanks, Rick, didn’t quite follow the last one but we hope you all get jobs.