Miley Cyrus, Tongue Call It Quits


The tongue formerly attached to actress and singer Miley Cyrus has reportedly split from the 21-year old pop performer and plans to move from Los Angeles to New York City in the coming weeks.  According to a story in Daily Variety, Cyrus’s tongue also cut ties with the Creative Artists talent agency and signed with both the talent and literary divisions at William Morris.  It has also been reported that the tongue paid $5.6 Million for a three bedroom apartment in Trump Towers.

Appearing on the television talk show program Charlie Rose on October 9 to discuss the decision and the state of its relationship with Cyrus, the tongue told Rose that it was grateful for the exposure Ms. Cyrus had generously awarded the organ, also known as a muscular hydrostat.

However, it was the former Hannah Montana star’s controversial and widely viewed dance moves, known as “twerking”, with singer Robin Thicke at the VMA Awards which led to the tongue’s decision to part company.  The tongue told Rose that it had become disillusioned with its one dimensional role as that of an outstretched appendage with a limited range of angles in which to express itself.

“Primarily my job as an entertainer and communicator was to convey the emotional state of Miley, which under other circumstances and with any other performer, could be very diverse and challenging,” the tongue told Rose.  “However in this particular case, Miley only has one emotional state and quite honestly, there were other parts of her anatomy that expressed that emotion with greater range than I could.  I just felt it was time to move on and I wish Ms. Cyrus all the best.”

The tongue is currently co-writing its autobiography with award winning author and NY Daily News columnist, Mike Lupica, and has been cast in the upcoming sequel to the film, Alien Resurrection to be directed by James Cameron.

Ms. Cyrus could be reached for comment but could not comment.  A spokesperson for Cyrus later followed up with reporters and stated that the singer/performer/actor/celebrity had told members of her inner circle that the tongue had been holding her back for years and that she was actually relieved that it had quit on its own and did not require any severance pay or letters of recommendation.  The spokesperson also told reporters that open audition dates to cast a new replacement for Cyrus’s tongue have already been set.  In the interim, Cyrus is borrowing the tongue of Gene Simmons, lead singer of the rock band Kiss.  According to the spokesperson, Simmons is currently in the studio recording a new album and doesn’t need it.

Cyrus’s latest single, “Wrecking Ball” is currently number one on the Billboard Hot 100 chart.

© 2013 The Monkey Bellhop and John Hartnett

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