Mrs. Hall’s Sons Now Forced To Masturbate To JC Penney Circular

Teenage boys Jacob and Isaiah Hall, sons of the now famous Mrs. Hall who wrote the viral piece “FYI (If you’re a teenage girl)” which instructed girls how to dress in order to not defile the virgin eyes of her wholesome sons, have spoken out about their family situation.


Jacob admitted that he and his brother agreed in a family meeting that those racy Facebook posts of his female friends were “totally yucky” and that he wasn’t at all intrigued by them. In fact, he was going to block that tramp anyway, and that’s why her sexy picture was up on the screen when his mom walked in. He just “got distracted” before he got around to it.

“Yeah, mom likes to keep us pure. So she’s removing all of the bad influences from our lives. We didn’t see the VMA Awards where some disgraced trollop gyrated her hips in a sexy fashion and stroked herself with a foam finger while an older guy let her grind on his manhood while they did that song that’s been on YouTube with the naked girls dancing around. But it’s OK, we still get plenty of good stuff in the mail. I like the JC Penney lingerie section and my brother likes Glamour Magazine…well, I don’t see it here. Anyway, some of our bible study materials have some pretty decent pictures of Mary Magdalene. And then there’s weather girl on channel 5. It’s not a big problem. We make do with what we’ve got. Isaiah, come on out of the bathroom.”


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