Oh Good There’s Only One Person Ahead of Me – Famous Last Words

The other day I was busy running errands.  I didn’t have much time so I was very glad that everywhere I went there wasn’t a large line of people waiting ahead of me.

First, I decided to get some lunch. I went into a sub shop. There wasn’t the usual throng of people clamoring around the counter.  In fact, there was just one diminutive old lady surveying the chopped up food behind the glass. “Oh good, there is only one person ahead of me,” I said to myself.  The girl behind the counter asked the lady in a cheery voice, “What can I make for you today?” Well, the old lady reached into her purse and pulled out a likeness to the Dead Sea Scrolls which herein contained a complex list of sandwiches and various accompaniments.  “I’ll be getting more than one sandwich today,” the old lady declared. She then began to read from the list.

Suddenly the extra time that I felt I had to get a sub just vaporized. I had to stand there and listen to a litany of questions and details about pickles, onions, and lettuce for ten agonizing minutes. I almost lost it when the old lady asked how the meatballs were prepared.  How was the food prepared? Really? I mean, damn, was this a gas station sub shop or Ruth’s Chris?

Alright, so then I was off to the bank. Guess what? The parking lot of the bank was almost empty! I walked in and there was one customer at the counter, some tall dude chewing gum, and two tellers working.  “Oh good, there is only one person ahead of me and there is an available teller,” I said to myself.  I got myself into position at the ready spot. As the words, “Can I help you?” were about to come out of the available teller’s mouth the other one taking care of the tall dude turns to her and says, “Maggie, can you take a look at this?”

Both tellers huddled behind the monitor in front of the tall dude who was chewing and at that moment suddenly cracking his gum. Both tellers looked at each other in some bewildered state of shock and mumbled in near unison, “I never have seen anything like this, I just don’t know, no one has ever tried this before…”

One of the tellers peered over the counter and said to me, “We’ll be right with you sir.” I clinched my teeth and managed to get out a tortured, “Okay I understand.”

The other teller shouted out to a manager in an office off to the side, “Paul, can you come here a moment please?” The next thing that I knew the entire bank was embroiled in a saga of espionage, intrigue, and forbidden love.

Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating a bit but one thing is for sure. My extra time that day sure as hell just melted away.

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7 thoughts on “Oh Good There’s Only One Person Ahead of Me – Famous Last Words”

  1. Another personal fav of mine at the grocery store (after everything is already bagged and rung up): “Oh wait, I have coupons.”

      1. There is also the person who waits until s/he is at the head of the line and being rung up to start clipping coupons from the weekly circular.

  2. You have my sympathy, sir, for I am a fellow sufferer.

    I have an ability bordering on the psychic to choose the slowest line anywhere there are lines.

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