Outwitting The Insurers

The other day I was online, applying for health insurance. I was filling in boxes with my personal information when I came to a check-box where you indicate whether or not you’re a smoker. I had to laugh.

Think about it – only non-smokers answer this one honestly. If you’re a smoker, you claim you’re not and hope the insurer doesn’t find out. It’s just like those agricultural checkpoints they have in parts of California where they grow fruit. They don’t want pests piggybacking into the area on fruit you might have in your car.

So an officer approaches your car, which contains a bunch of fruit. The officer leans down to your window and says “Good afternoon, are you travelling with any fruit in your car?”

At which point you glance down at your crotch, smile back at the officer, and say “Just a pair of grapes.”

Yes, semi-honesty is always the best policy.

But something I overheard at the airport gave me a premonition about how health insurers are going to ferret out the liars among us. I was waiting for a flight when two guys came marching past me, moving so fast that one guy’s bag had turned onto it’s side. He didn’t flip the bag back onto the wheels, he just kept dragging it. His friend sighed loudly and then said “Remember when all the airports had smoking lounges?”

As the guys hustled for the exit it occurred to me. The insurers are going to reinstate smoking lounges in all the main airports. They’ll install cameras with facial recognition software. And they’ll easily match your face to that application where you checked the box for “nonsmoker.”

As a former smoker, I know the game all too well. Airports are your Achilles Heel. After a six hour flight, there’s no way you’re gonna spend the extra ten minutes to get outside. You’ll head straight for the Cave Of Death. Yes, addiction is a cruel and evil mistress.

So switch to Amtrak or Greyhound. It’s grim and slow, yes. But it’s worth it to keep your insurance affordable.