Rick Perry’s Mother Fights For More Effective Birth Control

In the midst of a heated battle over abortion restrictions in Texas, the mother of Rick Perry is asking for industry to create a more effective means of birth control.

“Back when I got pregnant with Rick, my… friend was really trying to keep from getting pregnant. Doing all she could outside of abstaining, because really, who can do that? Once you see one of them cowboys in their hats and Wranglers…ooh wee… Anyway, you know how birth control is not as effective as we’d like it to be. The most effective thing I found… for… my friend was an old sock. But yeah, I’ve seen that terrible harm can come when you have a child and you’re not wanting one, because lack of effective birth control was a total disaster to both me and the state of Texas, I mean my friend of course. My… friend always wanted to be a dancer before she got pregnant…

Why me?

So I’ve always thought ever since then that there should be something better than an old sock. Some kind of pill maybe, that you could take and it would keep you from getting pregnant. Not every day or anything. Maybe just once a month. That would really settle this whole abortion mess we’ve got going on.”

While it’s far too late for her friend’s disastrous history, Mrs. Perry sincerely hopes that sometime in the future such a means of birth control could one day be developed for the sake of humanity.

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