SIDELINES ANTICS UNDER THE MICROSCOPE
We’re calling last weekend’s questionable coaching events Salsa-Gate vs Soda-Gate or, as others might say Steelers’ Mike Tomlin twinkle toeing the sidelines versus the Nets’ Jason Kidd bouncing his soda.
Not sure which is worse, Tomlin interfering with Jacoby Jones, as Jones returned a kickoff down the sidelines or Jason Kidd mouthing “Hit me” before Tyshawn Taylor’s shoulder bump causes Kidd’s drink to spill on the court.
We think Tomlin has the best excuse considering Jacoby Jones is an accomplished dancer who went all the way to the finals of Dancing With The Stars. Who can blame you, when you see Jacoby foxtrotting your direction, if you want to show off your salsa moves.
“Hey, Jacoby, Len’s not here. Your mom can’t influence the refs. What do you think about this sidestep? You want to see the half turn? Is it a 10?”
Jason Kidd’s original excuse was “The soda slipped out of my sweaty palms.” Could he be… er… Kidd-ing? And, of course, the NBA was quick to go “Sure, one of our all-time assist leaders can’t handle a tiny little soda cup. It’s a good thing Mayor Bloomberg prohibits those 48-oz monsters.”
Ty Taylor denies he saw Kidd whisper “Hit Me” and knocking the cup out of his hands was an accident. Kidd later said since he had no time outs, the “spilled-cup trick” was a good way to “ice the free-throw shooter.” Seriously, we didn’t make this up. He said “ice-the-shooter” using a spilled icy drink.
For not finishing his drink plus trying to cheat a time out, the NBA sent Kidd a tab for $ 50,000. You heard New York drinks were expensive, you just didn’t realize how much. We expect the Russian owner of the Nets won’t be helping Jason pay his bill, not unless there was Vodka involved.
Look for Mike Tomlin to also get a fine from the NFL. It could be hefty, possibly six figures and the loss of a draft choice. Kidd may have slowed down his basketball game but Tomlin’s dance move kept the photo shoppers in business. Minutes after the game with the Ravens you saw Tomlin on Soul Train, dancing on a Stay Cool dance machine, stanky-legging it with the Paloma bulls, with a twerking Miley, getting it on with Elaine Benis, bumping into Mayor Rob Ford as he takes a hike from center.
It just keeps coming. Apparently, Tomlin’s dance shamed Richie Incognito into giving up all the lunch money he had extorted. Alabama fans are asking if is it possible Coach Tomlin could give Saban some sideline dancing lessons? Besides making Knowshon Moreno cry, Tomlin’s stanky leg sideline dance is also being blamed for knocking a shopper down during a Black Friday stampede. Whew, at least he didn’t spill his drink on the field.
Although the fines might seem huge, we expect the endorsement deals to be even bigger: “When I spill a drink,” Kidd looks into the camera. “I like to spill Pepsi.” Tomlin will flash a mischievous smile and say “When I’m hungry, I hop.” Then they show him doing the sidestep. “I hop on over to IHOP.”