After years of the hearing about all of the things that make the baby Jesus cry, stepfather Joseph has reportedly broken his silence and laid down the law.
“Seriously, kid. Crying again? Gay marriage…Violence on TV…high fructose corn syrup…hypocrisy…idolatry… Sharia law…Star Wars Episodes I-III… Obama… trans fats… irony… sarcasm… Nickelback… non-organic produce… Jews… Hell, we’re Jewish, for your sake! Grow the hell up, you’re 2000 years old, you whiner! You’ve got better things to do than cry all day. You want something to cry about? I’ll give you something to cry about! And don’t think I don’t know who’s turning my beer into water!”
Though Joseph has long suspected that Jesus has been coddled by his mom and real father, Jesus’ pediatrician suggests that Jesus might have Pseudobulbar affect or PBA, though more tests may be needed. His mother Mary insists that it’s probably just gas or that he’s really tired.