The Jagoff Peanut Butter Jars!!!


If you’re a peanut butter eater, you will get this. If you are NOT a peanut butter eater, you WON’T get this so hit SHARE and move along because I MUST get this post off of my chest.

As a peanut butter eater, who is coming to the end of the peanut butter in the jar, two things happen:

1) As you scrape your knife around the bottom inside edges of the jar, most of the peanut butter forms a little mountain of peanut butter in the CENTER of the bottom. Thusly making it close to impossible to get it out. You have to smash the little mountain against the side to get some on your knife, then you go back in and scrape and make ANOTHER mountain.

2) This one’s the big one, as you are scraping the bottom of ANY peanut butter jar, you end up with your knuckles covered in peanut butter from trying to work the knife down in.

For the last 1,982 years, every time the peanut butter gets low in the jar, getting the last of the peanut butter out becomes this horrible hand-mess. When is the last time anyone changed ANYTHING about peanut butter other that making it HORRIBLE by trying to make it Low Sodium???????? If some researcher photographed ME making a fluffer-nutter sandwich some morning, they would hand over a napkin and say, “You’re have STUFF all over your hand, ya Jagoff!”  I would turn to them and say, “”It’s been this way since William Pitt was first called a Jagoff!

This may sound piddly but, we can put a man on the moon, have smart stoplights that know what time of day it is,  someone invented virtual 1st-down lines on a TV football game, we have the CMU GigaPan Camera, upside down ketchup, liquid soap containers AND soap containers that make foam, plastic coffee ground containers that turns out are the same containers for house paint but….. the peanut butter jar hasn’t changed since it moved from glass to plastic? Hell, even BUTTER moved to a big ol’ tub!!!!!

Hey Jiff, Skippy, Peter Pan, Smuckers and the rest of you, it might be time to re-think this peanut butter container thing. We’re tired of PBK’s (Peanut Butter Knuckles). Sure, the back of my hands look nice and young from all of the oil that has soaked into them every morning over the years. But I’d REALLY like to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar without feeling like the banana on an Elvis Presley sandwich, Ya Jagoffs!

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6 thoughts on “The Jagoff Peanut Butter Jars!!!”

  1. I suggest Peanut Butter in a Tube. Problem would be squeezing the nuts out. Ouch!

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