The Lady Golfer and The Black Widow Spider

By: tinyfroglet

A golfer on the Ladies European Tour showed how tough she was when encountered a deadly Black Widow Spider. Daniela Holmqvist was on the fourth hole in a qualifying tournament in Australia when she felt a sharp pain in her ankle. She gazed down to see the source of the pain, and there she saw the poisonous spider.

Did she cry, sob or run around the golf course in sheer panic without a hint of embarrassment? No, she had the wits to take out one of her golf tees and slice open the ankle and drain the venom.  Then, did she cry for help and sob and run around the golf course without a hint of embarrassment? No, she finished her round.  And the bitch of it all is she didn’t qualify for the final tournament as she finished a few shots over the cutoff.  How cold are these tournament people?  You don’t get a few freebie shots for operating on yourself during a competition?

I am in awe of this young woman and her bravery and her complete calm in a deadly situation. Let me describe what would have happened if I were the golfer in question and my ankle was the one bitten by the Black Widow Spider:

Let’s set the scene:  I walk up to my golf ball in my new golf outfit (it is really cute) and get set to tee off. (FYI, the ball is hot pink. I only own bold colors because they tend to stick out in the woods where my golf balls usually wind up when I’m playing).  As I get ready to swing, I feel a sharp pain.  I naturally assume I was stung by a bee and so, I do what I normally do when faced with a bee or wasp situation: I start screaming hysterically, “BEEEEE!  Damn, I’ve been stung. It hurts! I need ice! This is so painful!”

I look down to my ankle, and lo and behold, I see the markings of the deadly Black Widow Spider (I know it’s the Black Widow because I took a bug class in college).  Now, in shock, my mind jumps into panic mode (yes, more panicky than the bee sting mode). I begin to cry, hyperventilate and run around the course with my caddy in hot pursuit.  Finally, felled by the pain – not from the bite but from the nine-iron my caddy hurled at me to slow me down, I collapse into inconsolable sobs.  (This is temporary. Once the major histrionics are done with me, I usually calm down.)

Then, I beg anyone who will listen to get me the paramedics, some pain-killing drugs or vodka.  Hey, alcohol has a lot of antiseptic qualities plus I figure if I only have minutes to live, I might as well go out with a buzz.  Nowhere in this scenario do I even consider my golf tees as surgical tools, and nowhere in this scenario do I think about draining the poison myself from my wounded leg. I might ask my caddy to suck it out, but only if this scenario morphs into an erotic novel down the road.

When the paramedics and drugs do arrive, I would already be passed out from pain and panic so no further anesthesia would probably be needed to finish the de-poisoning process.  However, unlike the brave, Swedish golfer, I would never say, “Let me finish this round of golf.”  No, chances are I would say, “Get me the hell off this spider-infested golf course, and I hope you have good lawyers.”

Once out of the danger zone, I would most likely not sue, but I would think twice about going onto another golf course. In fact, I would probably need a month vacation to recuperate. I would have to go somewhere that has no Black Widow spiders. I hear Paris has none. Yes, I would go there.  What will the brave Swedish golfer do?  She is scheduled to be in another tournament.  Sometimes, bravery just does not pay.

 

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12 thoughts on “The Lady Golfer and The Black Widow Spider”

  1. You remind me of an office where I used to work. We had a small invasion of mice.

    You would think that a female executive, tough minded and able to get ahead in a male-dominated world would not be afraid of a little mouse.

    Well, guess who ended up standing on her chair, screaming, when a mouse ran into her office. 😀

  2. One of the funniest in a while. I,too, liked the “felled by a nine-iron” line. Good job!

  3. “Finally, felled by the pain – not from the bite but from the nine-iron my caddy hurled at me to slow me down . . .” HAHAHAHAHA!!!

    P.s. The visual is hilarious! But I’m not laughing at you, I’m, well yeah . . . I am!) Funny one Donna!

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