Just when we thought superheroes don’t exist anymore, there comes this story from the San Francisco Bay area. A 19-year-old Santa Rosa Junior College student, whose identity remains anonymous, dresses up in a homemade Batman costume which includes black pants, a yellow belt, a Batman T-shirt and the obligatory mask and cape. As Batman, the undercover superhero promotes justice, good will and a little laughter for everyone.
The college crusader does not take on real “Dark Knight” crime fighting, but he does stage bouts with others who don the dress of Batman’s archenemies. No word if his evil counterparts attend Santa Rosa Junior College as well, but if they do, I might want to enroll there just to see what is in their drinking water.
I have to admit I like this idea of a real live caped crusader working his magic in a major metropolitan city. If he were looking for a Batgirl sidekick, I would volunteer, but there might be two obstacles. First, I would probably fall less into the Batgirl category and more in the Batmiddle-aged-woman category which might put a damper on my vigilante buzz, and second, I’m not sure if I could carry off Batgirl’s skin tight outfit without scaring the innocent population of Santa Rosa. I also do not think I can stomp out crime with the 8-inch stiletto boots the original Batgirl wore with such ease. I guess I could make up my own outfit with leggings, Spanx, a purple athletic bra and Naturalizer flats, but somehow I think even Santa Rosa with its close proximity to San Francisco, a city that accepts everyone, would not embrace my makeshift superhero ensemble.
But maybe with a little encouragement, the masked college student might not mind a Batmiddle-aged-woman in his posse. I would bring to the table my Ford Escape. Okay, it’s not the Bat Mobile with the flames coming out of the exhaust, but the kid’s main ride is–believe it or not–a scooter. At least my ride can go over 30 MPH and get him to the crime fighting scene faster.
Now that I think about it, the life of a junior college crime fighter sidekick might not be for me. If I am going to try out the superhero life, I want it to be on a professional level and I would prefer to have all the advantages superhero status provides. First, I think I truly want some power. I don’t want to just be good at throwing fake punches at make believe villains. If I am going to get into this superpower persona, and stalk bad people, I want real powers. In fact, I want I Dream of Jeannie Powers. I want to blink and send people to the opposite side of the world or back in time or launch them into space. I never understood all the prestige attached to Batman. He had one utility belt, Robin, who did not always appear to be an asset, Batgirl who latched onto their gig without permission and his fists. I always wondered if Batman resented Superman’s strength and ability to leap tall buildings in a single bound or Aquaman’s underwater lung power and his cool seahorse or Wonder Woman’s lasso and invisible plane. They all had cool stuff, and what did Batman have? The bat signal, Commissioner Gordon, an inept police force, a nerdy teenager and a car.
I guess to the caped crusader of Santa Rosa Junior College, Batman is HIS guy to emulate and I wish him well in his crime fighting success. It’s too bad he is keeping his identity a secret because I would imagine that being a Batman crime fighter in today’s world would look pretty darn good on a resume.