Some people have fetishes; I get it. I don’t want to be a part of their fetish world, but I watch enough cable TV to know that lots of kinky stuff exists out there. I thought nothing would shock me until I came across a video about eyeball licking.
Yes, this is not a typo. Apparently the old-time fetishes just don’t work anymore, and the new fad of eyeball licking has replaced the boring sex stuff. So that you have a true idea of this activity, here is a picture:
Okay, this picture is a lie, but I wanted to spare you the really gross photos. If you are that curious what eyeball licking entails, ( and you should be ashamed if you are) you can go to You Tube and look it up. I did — for research purposes only, of course. After studying this ocular activity, I have a few concerns:
1. Germs. I cannot imagine how many germs are planted into the eyeball with this activity. I would think someone could get Pink Eye whatever contagious diseases exist or maybe swallow a contact lens. On a positive note: the makers of Visine have hit the mother lode if this takes off!
2. How do you categorize this act? Is it a prelude to normal bedroom activity or does it take the place of said activity? Is there a certain order one must adhere to — like a “head to toes” type experience?
3. How did someone come up with this “intimate act of love”? Did a near-sighted partner attempt to French kiss a lover only to miss a mouth and fall into an eyeball? Talk about being blindsided.
4. Since we are on the topic of being blinded, can it cause blindness? I went to Catholic school where they said if you did certain things, you could go blind. I’m starting to think the nuns were right or they knew a little too much about sex fetishes.
5. How does this act even become a topic of conversation between partners? “Excuse me, what do you like in bed? Do you mind if I suck your eyeballs?” Who stays in a room with someone who asks this question?
6. Does eyeball licking now have to become part of the Birds and the Bees lesson in a sex ed class? Will there be illustrations or actual demonstrations?
7. Will they one day make eyeball condoms?
8. If a politician is caught licking someone’s eyeballs, can he truthfully say, “I did not have sex with that woman?” OR would eyeball licking be considered sex? Is it considered cheating?
9. When engaging in this, do people…you know…hit the ceiling with an “Oh, God moment” ? And if they do — why?
I know I sound judgmental but this just completely disgusts me. Why can’t we go back to the good old days where a riding crop and a blindfold were enough to keep people happy? Where has tradition gone?