If you’re a large American corporation, you understand one simple fact — only loser companies pay taxes. Why should you pay to support the infrastructure where your best customers and many of your employees live when someone else will do that for you? That’s just dumb.
So you reincorporate in low-tax havens like Bermuda or The Cayman Islands. But then the government comes in with some bullshit regulations that make this process harder. So what do you do next?
According to The New York Times, the newest approach is to merge with an existing company that already resides in a tax haven. This gives you the tax dodge without the reincorporation paperwork. Paperwork is SUCH a hassle.
Which gives me a great idea. I’m gonna move to Bermuda and set up a one-person accounting company registered on the island. And then I’ll merge with one of the big American firms. When the regulators show up I’ll make sure to be in my condo/office, pouring over tax returns. But most of the time I’ll be on the deck, hunched over a bong and working on my tan.
All kidding aside, this is where global warming comes in. Think about the sleazy tax havens. Where are they mostly located? On islands that are barely above sea level. They’ll be the first to go under when the oceans rise. At which point companies will have to retreat to real places where companies actually pay taxes.
So fire up your SUV and drive it hard. Use it to drive that one block to the mail box. You’ll be helping your country remain solvent.
Is there any law that says you can’t use a submarine to visit your company headquarters?
You can probably deduct that expense too.