Time To Admit We’re All Turkeys

When culture-clashes flare, I tend to root for the liberal team over the conservative one. For me it’s a lot like being a sports fan – I’d much rather support a team that’s going to win over the long haul than sit in a half-empty stadium, waiting for my team to get sold off.

But a clash in Turkey is challenging my approach. According to the New York Times, the Turks are squabbling over the look of their national airline. The liberal secularists want attendants to wear modern outfits and keep being able to serve drinks during flights. The conservative Islamists want traditional, Ottoman-style outfits and no liquor service.

I’m with the Islamists on this one. Think about the stories of in-flight mishaps you keep reading about:

* A drunk rock star defecates in a food cart. Airline food is bad enough that the person receiving this meal might not notice, but still.

* A woman downs a pint-glass of whiskey, grabs an attendant, and demands sex. This is one time where it’s not wise for the attendant to offer the customer a pillow.

*A New Zealander uses the aisle as a bathroom. He fails to understand that “being free to move about the cabin” does not include his bladder.

* Two drunk, rowdy Blackberry executives force a plane to turn around. Like their company’s market-share, they end up being restrained.

When the otherwise sane Canadians start getting involved, you know the problem has gone global. Flying and liquor don’t belong together. And to think we were primarily worried about smoking inside planes.

One time I took a flight from Dublin to London. A fifty minute flight, at 8 am. The burly guy next to me started waving frantically as soon as we reached cruising altitude. He demanded a drink and became apoplectic when the airline didn’t have his favored brand of whiskey. To shut him up the attendant brought a substitute drink. The guy downed it in one gulp and then demanded another. The attendant was no fool – she quickly brought another. The guy polished it off in seconds and then passed out.

So I’m with the conservatives. It’s time to get alcohol off flights. If I were an attendant I’d even agree to wear a veil if it meant the liquor would go away. It’d be worth losing face. Or we could just bring back smoking to help cover up the smell when the next drunken person unleashes their body in the aisle.

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5 thoughts on “Time To Admit We’re All Turkeys”

  1. I’m kind of 50 -50 on this one. I do like getting drunk in airports but I also like getting drunk on planes. It’s just too close to call. I think I’m going to sit on the fence.

  2. There are good reasons to ban alcohol on an airplane that go way beyond unruly passengers: The effectively higher cabin elevation on an airliner makes the alcohol more potent and the alcohol adds to the dehydration that naturally occurs on a plane, as well. So, I’m for the no drinking rule! I rarely have myself anyway.

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