Time To Bring In Mr Miracle


Among all the hubbub in Congress, a huge story got almost no attention last week. An amazing thing happened in the Senate, but few noticed because it was filmed by C-SPAN (that station really needs more cameras and some help with marketing). And the people in the room were too busy feuding to notice the miracle.

The Senate Chaplain made a speech to open the day’s work. He said “Lord, deliver us from governing by crisis, empowering us to be responsible stewards of your bounty, using judicious compromise for the mutual progress of all” (You can see the clip here: http://www.c-spanvideo.org/clip/4466322)

Nothing unusual there. But the newsworthy thing is that God spoke back. And here’s what he said:

“I hate FADS! Get it? Fads. Things like Beanie Babies and pre-ripped jeans. Not the people referred to by that similar-sounding, awful word. So here’s the deal – I’ll help you out, but you need to do something for me. You gotta fully nix that stupid marriage law and replace it with something allowing all loving people everywhere to marry. Cuz there’s still state-level discrimination with things like the Family Medical Leave Act.”

“Remember when Rick Perry prayed for rain? Guess what? He didn’t have a prayer! The next Monday I sent the Dow down 365 points. And I kept the drought going. Burn baby, burn! But they still didn’t get it. So it’s gonna keep scorching away until Texas figures out the marriage-equality thing.”

“Okay, I’ll send you the twenty or so House votes ya need, but it might take a few hours. I’ve still got a big stack of toast I need to burn my image onto. Good luck down there.”

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