Me: “There’s something in my shoe.”
My wife: “What is it?”
Me: “My foot.”
I’m as amazed as anyone that she occasionally has sex with me.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 1, 2013
Wife:“Do you look at other women?”
Me:“You’re more than enough for me”
Her:“Are you calling me fat?”
Once a month it doesn’t pay to talk
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 1, 2013
I’m sorry I said all those terrible things about you. It was rude of me to be honest like that.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 1, 2013
Actually, gravity, inertia, and other forces of physics make the world go round. Love has absolutely nothing to do with it.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 1, 2013
My 3-year-old said I have nice eyebrows, so, yeah, I’m definitely one of the cool dads.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 1, 2013