Pedestrians might have the right of way according to the laws of man, but the laws of physics say my car wins every time.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 12, 2013
I’d never make a list of my enemies. It’s easier to list the people I don’t hate. So far I have the ice cream man and Chewbacca.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 12, 2013
I’m not socially challenged. I’m awkwardly enhanced. It’s important to stay positive.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 12, 2013
If you think the worst thing you can say during sex w/ your wife is another woman’s name, try blurting the name of a man. Or the family dog.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 12, 2013
I don’t start fights. I finish them, usually by crying in a corner because my wife is furious I loaded the dishwasher wrong again.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 12, 2013