Wait, liquor commercial, you want me to buy your product AND drink responsibly? One of us clearly doesn’t understand how alcohol works.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 17, 2013
I know my wife didn’t marry me for my money or good looks b/c I don’t have either. I married her for her poor judgment and bad taste in men.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 17, 2013
Guys, a woman can squeeze an entire human being out of her vagina. If she says your dick is too big for her, she’s lying.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 17, 2013
I’ve heard of newlyweds who hitchhike across the country together as a honeymoon. It’s by far the most romantic way to get murdered.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 17, 2013
When my wife wears my shirt to bed, it's "normal," but when I wear her panties, it's a "red flag." I guess I'll go commando under this dress
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 17, 2013
