Don’t kid yourself. You don’t have multiple personalities. As far as I can tell, you don’t even have one.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 19, 2013
Autocorrect changed “honor” to “honour” because apparently my phone thinks the British won the Revolutionary War.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 19, 2013
I get excited when I see my wife draw a sad face on the calendar because that means it’s a scheduled sex night.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 19, 2013
The age of the dinosaurs showed you don’t need a big brain to rule the world. Modern politicians prove that’s still true.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 19, 2013
That bike rack on your car lets everyone know you’re athletic enough to own a bike but not athletic enough to ride it instead of driving.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 19, 2013
