When I see the frazzled parents of a newborn, I tell them, "Don't worry. It gets easier." Then I laugh maniacally for 20 minutes.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 29, 2013
Me: "That’s it: No more Mr. Nice Guy."
Wife: "Wait, you were being nice before?"
Me: "Fine. No more Mr. Somewhat Less of an Asshole."
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 29, 2013
Things I did to piss off my wife today: 1) exist. She'll never forgive me for that one.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 29, 2013
The sexiest thing a woman can have is self-respect. After great boobs and an amazing ass, of course. Self-respect is an honorable 3rd place
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 29, 2013
To me, it’s a good day if I don’t end up standing on my desk screaming obscenities & hurling feces at my coworkers. Today was not a good day
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 29, 2013