If a woman expects you to open the door for her, it’s a massive red flag. Never date a girl who doesn’t know how to work a knob.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 9, 2013
My greatest fear is I’ll get a DUI when I'm sober because I don’t know the alphabet backward. There should be a reverse alphabet song.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 9, 2013
I opened a bag of chips and my kids didn’t even hear me, so, yes, I have what it takes to be the next American Ninja Warrior.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 9, 2013
Driving a modern muscle car is a great way to let women know you have a receding hairline and a divorce that’s not quite final.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 9, 2013
I’m lazy, apathetic, and sarcastic, but I have some negative qualities, too.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 9, 2013