Girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. Unless you piss them off. Then it’s shit storms and spite and you pay the price
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 10, 2013
Life is different in Christian frats:
“You should’ve seen this hot chick I didn’t bang.”
“Way to save it for marriage, bro.”
*fist bump*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 10, 2013
Of course I don’t listen to my wife. She doesn’t like Doritos. That invalidates her opinion about everything.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 10, 2013
My veterinarian asked a lot of personal questions. He was all like “Why do you want so much horse tranquilizer?” & “Do you even own horses?”
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 10, 2013
3-year-old: Look what I made you! *wraps construction paper around my drink*
I’m a better dad than I thought. My kid made me a beer koozie.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 10, 2013