When I see a driver’s ed student try to parallel park I throw my body against the back of his car & scream in pain. Fear is the best teacher
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 17, 2013
I’ve taken my kids all over the country, but their favorite place to be is still “in the way.”
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 17, 2013
When my wife asks, “Are you really that stupid?” I never know if I should answer or just keep silently trimming the dog with hedge clippers.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 18, 2013
I had a 30-second conversation with my neighbor. Now I can cross off “interact with another human” from my to-do list for the year.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 17, 2013
I’m not a slob. I’m an environmentalist. I leave my stuff lying around until it composts.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 17, 2013