Coworker: I ordered pizzas for the office.
Me: I love you like a brother.
Him: They’re all vegetarian
Me: I hope you die of face herpes.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 2, 2013
If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you’re probably holding the Taser wrong.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 2, 2013
ttps://twitter.com/XplodingUnicorn/status/396675676629000192
When my wife tells me to crawl into a hole and die, the hole she’s referring to isn’t her vagina. Now I know.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 2, 2013
I’m religious at work. Every time I hear a coworker tell a caller, “Hold on, let me transfer you,” I silently pray it won’t be to me.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 2, 2013