3-year-old: “Where’s your beard?”
Me: “It’s gone?! Is it in your pocket?”
3: “Daddy…”
Me:
3:
Me:
3:
Me:
3: *checks pockets*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 23, 2013
Oh, you married a woman to make you happy? Good luck with that. Women don’t even know how to make themselves happy.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 23, 2013
If you cut me off in traffic, I will tailgate you and make obscene gestures. I don’t care how many kids are on your school bus.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 23, 2013
3-year-old: *asks a million questions*
Me: Let’s play the quiet game.
3: OK. *asks a million questions about how to play the quiet game*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 23, 2013
I’ve never survived on my own in the wild, but one time I forgot my ChapStick at home, which is pretty much the same thing.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 23, 2013