My wife has a catchphrase. It’s “no.”
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 27, 2013
“No, I can’t ‘make’ time for you. Time can’t be created or destroyed. LEARN SCIENCE, MOTHER FUCKER.”
That Jehovah’s Witness never came back
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 27, 2013
Me: Stop stabbing the couch with a fork.
1-year-old: *blank stare*
*stabs me*
Me: Stop that, too.
1: *blank stare*
*stabs her sister*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 27, 2013
3-year-old: “Daddy, can we watch you put on deodorant?”
Me: “Only if you eat your vegetables first.”
I don’t know why we even own a TV.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 27, 2013
Me: Do you want some cheese with that whine?
3-year-old: Yes.
M: Oh. We don’t have any.
3: *whines about lack of cheese*
M:*drinks wine*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 27, 2013