Me: "Sex?"
Wife: "Sure. Just let me finish this book first."
*turns to page 2 of “Game of Thrones”*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 28, 2013
He liked being 29 because that number is only divisible by 1 and itself, but now he’s 30. He’s past his prime.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 28, 2013
Whenever my wife goes grocery shopping, I add beer to the list because everyone loves to see a pregnant woman buy alcohol.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 28, 2013
I can tell by your all-caps, typo-filled rant that you care deeply about many issues, but literacy isn’t one of them.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 28, 2013
Wife: Can you come here & set the table?
Me: I can’t. I’m in the middle of something really important
*googles “Can a vagina be haunted?”*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 28, 2013