When I hear about shoppers who die on Black Friday, I worry because my mom is out there right now & she’s probably the one who killed them.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 29, 2013
Me: How was your day?
3-year-old: There was one poop that wouldn’t go down when I flushed.
Sadly, that’s a good metaphor for my day, too.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 30, 2013
I couldn’t find my running gloves, so I ran in Hulk hands instead. No one messed with me.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 29, 2013
My 1-year-old wouldn’t touch her mashed potatoes but ate a holiday-themed window cling, in case you wondered about the quality of my cooking
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 29, 2013
To a toddler with markers, every book is a coloring book. Sorry about your antique family Bible.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 29, 2013