If by “watch the kids” you mean “exist in the same house as them,” my parental supervision is unmatched. I’m sure they’re in here somewhere.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 3, 2013
Someone will always be offended. When Looney Tunes debuted, I’m sure somebody said, “That’s not funny. My mom was killed by a falling anvil”
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 3, 2013
My kid dumped a bowl of food on the floor, and all I said was, “Hurry up and eat it before the dog gets it.” I’m officially a veteran parent
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 3, 2013
I caught my 1-year-old kissing her Elmo doll. It was an unpleasant reminder that someday she’ll grow up and leave me for a Muppet.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 3, 2013
My 3-year-old gave me a sticker for behaving myself in public. She’s doing a good job of raising her parents.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 3, 2013
Children change the common sentence,
“Do you know what they want?”
to your new way of life,
“Do you know what? They want!