Women admit they can synch up their periods but still claim they don’t practice witchcraft. You can’t have it both ways, ladies.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 5, 2013
Short hair on a woman is like a ponytail on a guy: It’s the universal signal you’re not interested in ever getting laid again.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 5, 2013
Warning: Due to Photoshop, the model in this picture bears no resemblance to an actual human being. Viewer discretion advised.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 5, 2013
A fenced-in yard is basically a pasture for free-range kids. They’ll raise themselves if you give them some hay bales to survive the winter.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 5, 2013
I want to be a coroner so I can tell people, “You’re dead to me,” and then make it legally binding.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 5, 2013