Here are the least-terrible of my tweets from today:
I didn’t peak in high school. Or college. Or anytime thereafter. I’ve been on a downward trajectory pretty much since the moment I was born.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 12, 2013
When I have an important decision to make, I spend hours carefully thinking it through. Then my wife makes it for me.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 12, 2013
Before you fire off that insult, remember there’s a real person behind that twitter handle you’re attacking. Do your best to make them cry.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 12, 2013
I’m not good at dealing with emotional problems because I consider any emotion to be a problem.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 12, 2013
My phone has this weird app that lets me call other people. I’m still trying to figure out how to delete it.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 12, 2013
I think a lot of people will follow your advice on firing off insults on Twitter! As usual, very funny stuff!
If just one person cries because of an insult I set in motion here, then I’ll sleep easy tonight.