Side effects include weight gain, depression, and loss of sex drive. Ask your doctor if marriage is right for you.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 21, 2013
My 3 year old asked me what it’s like to be a grown up. I told her I have no idea. I hope I never find out.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 21, 2013
My wife and I got into a fight about whether or not we fight too much. Whether or not that was ironic was the subject of our follow-up fight
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 21, 2013
Stop being paranoid. It’s not us against them. It’s everyone against you.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 21, 2013
I never solve my problems. I just pick up new ones and hope they cancel out the ones I already have.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 21, 2013